The Left-Right Paradigm

OK everybody, it's time for Uncle Anarchy to tell you a story. Way back in 1789 the French were were having themselves a little revolution. The rebels weren't happy with King Louis XVI because he was acting like an asshole. Before actual war broke out the people tried to address the issue at the National Assembly. Those who favored the king sat on the right of the assembly and those who favored revolution sat on the left side of the assembly. Thus the left-right political paradigm was born. After the National Assembly was replaced by a Legislative Assembly the people who favored change sat on the left, the people who favored constitutionalism sat on the right, and those boring moderates sat between the two more interesting sides.

I told you that story so we discuss the left-right paradigm as it exists here in the United States. Somehow the left became associated with Democrats and the right became associated with Republicans. This makes no sense when you consider how the left-right paradigm came into being. Both the Democrats and the Republicans are supporters of the king (the current system) and both of them support keeping things as they are instead of implementing radical changes.

I believe this country needs to reconsider how it uses the left-right paradigm. Here is my proposal: both the Republican and Democrats should be placed on the right side of the political spectrum while libertarians, communists, anarchists, and other groups that favor radical changes should be placed on the left side of the political spectrum. The Republicans and Democrats both want to maintain the current power structure while the other groups I mentioned want to change it.

To my Democrat friends I kindly ask that you stop calling yourself leftists. You guys aren't fit to be on the side of revolutionaries and, frankly, you're giving us a bad name. Go sit by your Republican friends on the right. While us revolutionaries discuss actual changes you two can continue pretending you hate one another while agreeing on everything besides totem animal and party color.